Church of Our Saviour Australia

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Friendship and how you can tell if someone is a true friend.

Have you ever questioned the integrity and motives of a friend? Have you ever felt used by your friends? Sadly you are not alone. Many people, including myself, are continually faced by these questions and the difficult challenge in life of finding true “friends”.

I feel that the value of friendship has been tarnished by those who have taken advantage of the term “friend”. We all know that in this world there are manipulative people who abuse the trust of others under a fake cloak of friendship in order to reach their own selfish goals. I can’t help but feel that the way we open ourselves up to friendship has suffered at the hands of “bad publicity”.

Over time we have become too focused on the negative stories, and the incidents that we hear about involving the abuse of friendship have slowly eroded our once positive view on friends. People upon hearing these sad stories are constantly asking themselves “Will that happen to me?”, “Am I too trusting?” and “Can I trust my own friends?” It is a seed of doubt that eats away within our mind and as a result we tend to scale down our value of friendship and become less trusting and less willing to open up emotionally to make true friends.

We need to put these negative incidents behinds us. We need to keep our focus on the positive side to friendship. We need to trust the definition of friendship and have no hesitation in committing to a friendship. We need to trust our friends on the thought that we will never get hurt emotionally.

In my view friendship is that level of a relationship just one step down from a fully loving, romantic and intimate relationship. Our commitment to friendship should be along similar lines to that of more intimate relationships. We need to be totally open to accepting and trusting our friends. We need to display loyalty, sympathy, empathy and that genuine desire for what is best for the other.

Sadly I think there will always be the breakdown of friendships and victims of manipulative people, but as I said friendship is far too valuable to our lives to let these incidents prevent us from ever holding true friends. Much like the case of a romantic relationship breakdown, the breakdown of a bad friendship should run a similar cycle. There will be that stage of emotional hurt and feeling like we can never trust another person again, but time will heal all wounds and in the case of most we will learn to develop and trust potential friends again.

Finding those true friends can be a challenge so here are 5 ways to help analyse and tell if your friend is truly a friend, or someone who is just out to get what they want from you.

1.             Interest

Look at how interested the other person is in your life. Do they constantly follow you up and ask how you feel and what you are doing throughout the day? The deeper the friendship, the better the questions they will ask of you. A true friend is one who wants to know how you are both emotionally and physically. They ask the deeper, more private and revealing questions.

2.             Genuine time-sharing

This can be one of the most important keys to a friendship. Ask yourself about and examine the amount of time you spend together with a friend. Are you spending time together because you enjoy each other’s company? or do you find that you only spend the most time together when your “friend” needs help or something from you?

3.             Self-sacrifice

A true friend will always show a willingness to help you out even though it may be a burden or risk to themselves. If you do everything possible to help a friend in need, they will give back that same level of support when you need help.

4.             Honesty

Honesty amongst friends signifies the level of interpersonal connectivity of the relationship. A true friend will forever tell the truth about any matter. Also they will not keep information from you even though it might be something you may not want to hear or might hurt you, if they felt it was the right thing to do. A true friend is one who will tell you personal things with complete trust knowing you will not use it against them later on.

5.             Integrity

True friends will always maintain the ability of keeping their word and doing as they say they will. If a friend says they will call you and they don’t, that highlights a low level of integrity. Being “busy” is not an excuse. While we can only do so much in a day, effective time management and planning is the way to ensure we fulfil all our priorities. If a “friend” gives you the excuse of not contacting you or failing to help you because they were “too busy”, then this shows a lack of regard as you were not a priority amongst their daily plans.

I hope this advice proves useful in your search for true friends. Friendship is not something to give up on and it is definitely not something to abuse. True friendship is one of the most valuable relationships that we will hold throughout our life. Show your friends how much you appreciate them without any fear of hurt. A true friend will always return your feelings and show just how important you are to their life.

Do you agree or disagree? Have an opinion? Send your comments to feedback@oursaviour.org.au

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