Church of Our Saviour Australia

Church of Our Saviour Charitable Trust

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Seconds of Sin (Updated 6th August 09)

A collection of funny jokes, poems and rhymes presented by the Church of Our Saviour Australia.

Have a laugh and enjoy life.

Warning: Occasionally we may print jokes, rhymes or poems that may be offensive to some readers. Please remember they are only jokes intended for a laugh and to make people happy.

The Speeder

A traffic cop on patrol one night, watching a 60kph zone on the edge of town, suddenly saw a car come blazing by his hideout. Quickly grabbing at his radar gun, he clocked the fast moving vehicle at 88kph!

The officer took off after the speeder and soon had the car pulled over on the side of the road. Expecting trouble with such a reckless driver, the patrolman approached cautiously.

To his surprise the driver of the offending vehicle was a little old lady, barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel.

“Ma’am,” the officer began. “Do you know how fast you were going?”

“I was just getting her up around 90, I believe, officer,” the old lady answered calmly, peering up at him through her bifocals. “Why, what seems to be the problem?”

Shocked, the officer returned her comment, “What seems to be the problem? Why, this is a 60kph zone! That’s the problem. Didn’t you see the sign?”

“Oh sure,” the old lady returned, “That’s why I’m driving so fast. I’m just trying to follow its instruction.”

Dumbfounded, the officer was momentarily speechless.

“Just what sign are you talking about, Ma’am?” he asked, when he finally recovered.

Smiling up at the officer, the old lady placed a gentle hand on his wrist and said, “Why, the one that said ‘Speed Zone Ahead’, of course!”

Bet Your Age

A woman is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, “What horrible luck! What in the world should I do now?”

A gentleman next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, “I don’t know… Why don’t you play your age?”

He walks away. Moments later, he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!

Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”

The operator replies, “I don’t know, buddy…. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!”

One Liners & Puns

A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: “I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?”

Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”

A guy walks into the psychiatrist’s office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, “I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

Chicken Little

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "...and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' ". The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy crap! a talking chicken!' ".

Australian Poem

The night was dark and stormy

The dunny light was dim

I heard a crash and then a splash

My gosh he's fallen in.

Did you enjoy our collection of jokes, poems and rhymes? Perhaps you have a favourite joke, poem or rhyme that you would like to share with the world. If you would like to share your funny moment, email it to feedback@oursaviour.org.au. You don't have to be a member of our church to share your joke. We welcome submissions from everyone.

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